7. Enemy of Coffee

Today I decided to seriously-now-or-never cut my coffee to one cup per day max – and keep it that way.

The ‘mental race’ I described yesterday may be natural, whatever the cause of the flickers of anxiety:

… my upcoming fatherhood …

… my general sensitivity …

… sharp shards from a broken psyche of 11 years ago …

But it is a truth, I’ve read over and over again:

If you want mental calm, you Don’t. Drink. Too. Much. Coffee.

Caffeine sharpens your mind but also makes your thoughts … race.

No matter if they are quality thoughts you want or fear-filled thoughts you don’t want.

This truth has struck me again and again, and again and again I’ve tried to moderate my coffee-drinking. But the stuff is so bloody addictive and I’ve lost that battle more times than I care count.

Such a simple little thing with so much consequence.

I love a good cup of coffee, as long as it is purely good for me.

Like the summer afternoons when we lived in the suburb of HO, near the sea, and I would sit on the stairs of the house we had rented and watch the sun go down lazily. I had a steaming mug in my hand. I had all the time in the world to contemplate it all.

One mug. One moment. One world.

That crisp and yet slightly chaotic zoom of the mind was okay for those hours it took for it to be, and then leave.  Without withdrawal symptoms.

These past weeks I’ve been at 3 sometimes four espresso-strong cups per day, even in the evenings.

It’s not coffee’s fault my mind is racing in less desirable directions in the mornings and during the day.

But I feel strongly that coffee sped it all up.

The reason?

I got bloody addicted again …

But if I can set myself up to do a 14012-day long blog – why not to stop an addiction?

That obviously hurts me more than it helps?

I will.

This time for good.

Max 1 cup per day.

Small bad habits can have big consequences, and that’s why.

I’m not a zealot, but isn’t it ridiculous that for so long I insist on my coffee x 4 per day even though I know and feel how it is too much? How it unhinges my mind?

That’s the power of addiction. And it hides and excuses itself and infects in all sorts of clandestine ways.

This is still relatively harmless, but what about the less harmless habits? Like drinking or smoking, or back-talking or complaining or … ?

What’s your little addiction? How is it truly beneficial to you?